


temple of thought

by TheMintPen



Category: Free!
Genre: College AU, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Angst, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-20 01:09:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5987115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMintPen/pseuds/TheMintPen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of non-chronological stories about the relationship between Sousuke and Makoto. More tags added as story goes one? Maybe? : HIATUS - may update with more chapters at a later date</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. with shaking hands

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to cry while doing this. 
> 
> Long story short I heard this song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NfVGvY7p1sU) and came up with the brilliant idea to write little one-shots about SouMako based on lyrics and such. Yeah. Great idea.
> 
> i have a tumblr: http://themintpen.tumblr.com/

_\--------------_

_Chills_

_Chills come racing down my spine_

_Like a storm on my skin_

_With shaking hands_

_I'll guide your sweet soul into mine_

_Until I feel you within_

_\--------------_

It wasn't perfect. 

But it was close. Dear god, it was so close.

Sousuke had a million thoughts running through his head as he stared at the ceiling in the darkness. He wasn't even sure of the time, that concept seemed completely lost to him, thrown on the floor among the scattered remains of clothes. He didn't wants to go to sleep, afraid that when he woke up it would all reveal itself to be a dream. A wonderful, cruel, dream. It would have broken his heart to wake up alone, without Makoto next to him.

Feeling the man stir in his sleep, Sousuke looked over to see his boyfriend turn over, away from the window and instead facing Sousuke. He smiled soft as he watched Makoto cuddle into the pillow he was clutching and sink deeper into the bed, into Sousuke's bed.

The two hadn't really connected or had much to do with each other until after high school. By some chance of fate, they found each other soon after their respective graduations in the same freshman required public speaking course. For whatever reason, be it a deity, force of nature, luck, chance, or some strange combination of all of them, Makoto had sat down next to Sousuke and attempted to strike up a conversation with the taciturn man. It took a while for Sousuke to act, well normal around the other man as he had never really been sure of his feelings towards the other swimmer. At first Sousuke had written him off as Nanase's sidekick, his shadow, no one important. How stupid he was.

His Makoto (he got fucking giddy thinking that) was so much more. Yes, Nanase was an important part of his life, but it was just like how Rin was important to him. In another time, in another life, perhaps these circumstances would have thrown them together. The feelings of not wanting to be left behind by the person who had been your whole world for so long. The feeling that if that bond was lost, if it turned out to be so fragile and breakable, then what had it really meant? Yes, in another life perhaps those feeling of insecurity and uncertainty would have burned and consumed them, sending them into an explosion of fear, confusion, and heartbreak.

Perhaps instead of the slowness and sweetness they had just experiences, their first time would have been rough and fast. Perhaps instead of laughing when it took three tries for Sousuke to put the condom on, there would have been tears and silence. Instead of fingernail marks on his back now associated with pleasure, they would have just been from pain. Instead of feeling so complete, so full, Sousuke would have just felt empty.

Empty was the farthest from what he felt right now. Yes, their first time had been far from the prime time version of perfect. Makoto hadn't been able to figure out which of the buckles on Sousuke's were for function rather than fashion and then while trying to take off his shirt Makoto had gotten it stuck around his head. There had been a great deal of fumbling, bumping, and unsure touches everywhere they could reach. Although, Sousuke had been very delighted when he found a particularly ticklish spot on Makoto's side. Then there was the condom fiasco and a million other little moments that prevented their first time from being perfect, from being the quintessential sexy sex.

Sousuke couldn't think of any of those details now though. It felt like it had taken them so long to reach this point that it was all perfect to him. Even though they had been friend since their freshman year it honestly wasn't until the end of sophomore year that Sousuke even thought he could have feelings for Makoto.

Now, a year later, here he was stupidly thinking about what had lead up to this point. What had lead up to last night. What had lead up to having this...wonderful human being sleeping beside him. Looking over at him once again, Sousuke lifted up a hand and gently ran it through Makoto's hair, almost like he needed to make sure it wasn't a dream.

He smiled as Makoto yawned and opened eyes slightly. "What time is it?" he mumbled, more into the pillow than to Sousuke.

"Not time to get up yet."

"S'it still dark?"

"Still dark." Sousuke moved his hand to Makoto's cheek and ran his thumb back and forth. His boyfriend moved closer into the touch, still not even close to waking up but still smiling nonetheless. "Go back to sleep." Sousuke mumbled, kissing the top of his head softly.

"You too." Makoto then moved his whole body to Sousuke, shuffling across the mattress as best he could. "You need to sleep too, Sou." With a mild scolding out of the way, Makoto went right back to sleep. Sousuke couldn't help but let out a slight snort, of course Makoto knew he hadn't been sleeping. Most days it seemed like Makoto knew him better than he knew himself, in fact it probably was true. 

He had known with one look that Sousuke had been scared of hurting him earlier. Even though they were both similar in build, Makoto had just felt so...fragile. Breakable. He knew it was ridiculous, he knew in every single part of his mind that he would not break Makoto by having sex with him. Sousuke had paused, hovering above Makoto and just stared at him. The man underneath him had let out a breath and focused on him with a quizzical look as he whispered, "What's wrong?"

"I....uh..." Sousuke had stammered out, his voice slightly raspy.

"Sou." Makoto lifted his hand and touched his face. His voice held a note of amusement, "You won't break me."

That exchange replayed in his head as he ran a hand through Makoto's hair. He'd honestly been terrified of more than potentially harming his boyfriend. He'd been worried that Makoto would have said no, broken up with him for even asking. Once again, logically he knew this wouldn't happen. His Makoto wouldn't do something like that.

His.

With his crazy thoughts pushed aside, Sousuke moved his arms around Makoto's back and pulled him closer as he closed his own eyes and began to give into sleep knowing that when he woke up in the morning, he would still be holding him.


	2. as it's crying for love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this takes place early around their sophomore year.

\-----

_And I know, I know_

_That it's all about understanding_

_Am I hidden inside your beautiful soul_

_As it's crying for love_

_To conquer the day slowly dawning_

_I want you to know you're the heart of my_

_temple of thought_

_\-----_

He hesitated as he lifted his hand and let it hover before he lowered it again. Why was he even here? He didn’t need to be here, shouldn’t be here, he was fine. It was all fine. So, with this thought in mind Makoto nodded to himself and turned around to go back down the stairs. Before he got too far thought he almost bumped into someone coming up the stairs, walking with you head down in slight self-pity was a dangerous act after all.

“Whoa!” strong hands quickly caught his shoulders to steady him and Makoto found himself looking up at a pair of familiar eyes, eyes that he was half hoping to avoid. “Where’s the fire?” Sousuke gave him a slight smirk, not bothering to take his hands off Makoto’s shoulders but stepping back slightly to put a little distance between them.

“O-oh! S-sousuke!” The taller man’s eyebrows immediately shot up when Makoto couldn’t get through either word without a slight stutter. He stopped, closed his eyes and took a breath before trying again. “I was just leaving.”

“I can see that. Did you need something?”

“Oh! No, no! I don’t need anything!” Makoto’s words were dripping with denial and tears starts to prick the back of his eyes as he thought of reason he had come looking for his friend. “I-I actually have an appointment to get to, s-so I’ll get out of your hair.”

“No, you won’t.” Before he could get out a full word of protest, Sousuke had grabbed Makoto by the wrist and dragged him back over to his apartment. He ignored his captive’s further attempts at insisting he really did have an appointment somewhere and he didn’t want to inconvenience Sousuke as he probably had things to do. After unlocking his front door Sousuke turned to Makoto and gave him a hard look as he simply said, “Stop. You are never an inconvenience, Makoto.”

This shut the other man up for a few moments and allowed Sousuke to push him towards his small living room and onto the couch. Makoto simply waited there in silence while his friend disappeared in the kitchen, presumably to get drinks, and toyed with a loose string on his sweater. He didn’t really need to be here, this wasn’t something he needed to bother Sousuke with. It was a bother. He was going to be a bother. Sure, Sousuke always said that he wasn’t, that he was free to come over anytime, but it still wasn’t something that he needed to be concerned with. Makoto immediately stood up as he heard Sousuke coming back into the living the room and said weakly, “I-I think I should-“

“Sit.” Sousuke gave him another look and directed towards the couch with his eyes, and Makoto did indeed sit back down. Two glasses of water were set on the scratched up coffee table in front of them, Makoto merely ran his fingers over the already forming condensation as he felt the couch sink next to him, the other man taking a seat next to him. “I’m guessing it’s something really serious if you’re insistent on leaving.” Sousuke finally broke the somewhat uncomfortable silence that hung in the air before he took a drink from his own glass. Makoto said nothing in response, he just gripped his own glass a little tighter the motion making a slight squeak noise. “Did you have a fight with Ryo or something?” When Makoto didn’t comment, he usually outright denied that possibility, Sousuke lowered his glass and spoke again. “No way, did you two _actually_ have it out for once?”

Makoto bit his lip and turned his head away, choosing to look at the sparsely decorated wall instead of at Sousuke. He knew he needed to say what happened, it would all come out anyway one way or another. It was just so fucking hard to say. “I…he…” For once Sousuke didn’t interrupt, sensing Makoto needed time to gather his words. “We broke up.” Makoto finally admitted to the wall his voice breaking at the end of sentence, the threat of tears imminent.

“Shit.” Sousuke finally breathed out, he put his elbows on his knees and sat there for a few moments truly unsure of what to say. It wasn’t much that much of a secret that Sousuke had never been a fan of Makoto’s boyfriend (well ex-boyfriend now) of almost six months. Makoto has always questioned him about it, asking him to come out to dinner or a movie with them one night so they could get to know each other better. Sousuke wasn’t sure why Makoto was trying so hard or why he didn’t like Ryo, it wasn’t like he and Makoto had been friends for that long either barely a year at this point.

 There was just _something_ that ticked him off. He hated that he couldn’t figure out what that something was.

Makoto sniffed slightly, trying in vain to hold back tears. “Well…it’s more accurate to say that he broke up with me, I guess.”

“What?” the word boomed in Sousuke’s tiny apartment especially since the two large men who were currently sitting in it had been talking in rather hushed tones. “I swear I’ll break his fucking-“

“No, no! Sousuke!” Makoto finally turned around, if only to stop Sousuke from leaping off the couch and finding Ryo. “No! Y-you don’t need to, he doesn’t deserve it.” Sousuke still sat there, ready to get up at a moment’s notice and hunt the poor man down, but he waited for Makoto to speak again, waited for the explanation as to why he shouldn’t go a break the guy’s leg in three places. “He just…he said we weren’t working. He couldn’t think of me like he thought I was thinking of him and he didn’t…Ryo didn’t want me to hope for something more.” Makoto clutched at the hem of his sweater, his knuckles white and the tears now flowing freely down his cheeks. “He was so…so… _nice_ about it. Saying we could still be friends because…because it’s hard to find people like us. But it just hurts. It hurts, Sousuke.”

Sousuke felt all the breath leave his chest, a breath full of sadness for the gentle giant broken next to him. He hesitated for only a small moment before reaching over and wrapping his arms around the huddled form next to him, resting his chin on the bowed head of Makoto as he sobbed openly. It was even worse that Ryo had been so sensitive about all of it, to someone like Makoto it probably drove the knife in that much deeper. He still struggled about coming to terms with his sexuality, Ryo had been his first serious relationship so he was probably second guessing his decisions. Second guessing himself.

“I…I h-hate this. I hate f-feeling like this.” Makoto managed to stutter out between sobs. “I feel broken, Sousuke. I just feel so worthless.”

“You are not.” Almost as if on reflex, Sousuke tightened his grip on Makoto as he tried to refute his depressed and pity filled claims. “Don’t you dare call yourself worthless.” He briefly wondered why he felt so helpless watching Makoto break like this, why he felt like he would do anything to make it better for him. If there was a miracle potion in Peru that cured broken hearts, Sousuke would be on the next flight over in a heartbeat.

Why was he willing to travel across the globe for someone he had barely known for a year?

Why was he willing to sit here and cradle this someone in his arms as he sobbed over his heartbreak?

Why did he want to fix this?

 

\------

Makoto had finally calmed down about fifteen minutes after his slight wallowing session and had fallen asleep about twenty minutes ago on Sousuke couch, at the insistence of the taller man of course. With an unusual amount of nervous energy Sousuke wandered back into the kitchen and began to cook up the first thing he saw in his cupboards: pasta. Cheap and filling it was almost embarrassing at how many boxes the man had in his kitchen and it was probably a good thing right now as he had somehow ruined the first pot he’d tried to boil, not having enough water in the pot and cause it to stick to the bottom of the pan. The slight acrid smell of smoke brought him back to the reality at hand and brought him out of the constant loop of thoughts he’d been having since he’d first pulled Makoto into that hug.

Why the hell had he done that? He wasn’t a hugger by nature, the dealt with it when he had to at family gathers, but Sousuke normally enjoyed his personal space. So why had he voluntarily pulled his friend into his arms? Why had he not wanted to let go either?

“Did you burn something?” At the sudden sound of Makoto’s slightly sleepy voice, Sousuke jumped and quickly turned around. He was relieved to see and hear a small chuckle from Makoto at his actions.

“Yeah, I somehow messed up boiling pasta. I thought that was something only you could do.”

“Hey! That was only twice!”

“Twice that I only know of.”

“You should be nicer to me right now.”

“I let you sleep on my couch. That was a very nice gesture because that couch is damn comfortable.”

“I think you would have strapped me down to the couch if I would have tried to leave again.” Both men looked relieved that they could joke and talk like this and Makoto did look a little…calmer now as he sat down on one of the chairs at the table. “Thank you, Sousuke. Seriously.”

“Are you really okay?”

Makoto took a deep breath and made direct eye contact with Sousuke as he replied, “I am for now. And I don’t want to talk about it anymore right now.”

“That’s fair. Can I just say one thing? Then I won’t talk about it again for the rest of night. The rest of the weekend even.” He watched as Makoto slowly nodded and then returned the direct eye contact that Makoto had given him just moments earlier. “You’re going to find someone, Makoto. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this year, but you’re going to find someone who probably loves you more that you think you deserve.”

Well, that had been a little more than he planned to say.

It was enjoyable to watch Makoto as his face turned a deep shade of red as he processed Sousuke’s words and direct gaze, Sousuke thought the man might overheat. He heard him mumble a thanks and then they sat there in silence for a moment, the only noise the boiling water and the muffled sounds of the city outside. Sousuke finally spoke up again, “Why don’t you stay the night?”

“I-what?”

“You don’t want to be alone tonight. You’ve also witnessed first-hand how comfortable that couch is so you have no grounds to either refuse it or argue if I take it myself.”

“Sousuke! I am NOT taking your bed.”

“It’s not like you won’t fit in it.”

“That is not the issue here.”

“Don’t you pull that voice with me.”

“What voice? I am not pulling any voice.”

“That teacher voice.” Makoto sputtered a little, obviously fully aware of what teacher voice Sousuke was referring to. “Plus you have more Disney movies to force me to watch don’t you?”

“You act like you don’t like them.” Sousuke hummed as he turned back to stir the pasta as Makoto pulled up his phone to keep track to find the list he made. Ever since he’d found out Sousuke had not seen many Disney movies in his life (“Didn’t the latest one have feelings that had feelings or some shit?” “That is Pixar and a completely different thing, Sousuke.”) he had made it a sort of project of his to expose Sousuke to as many Disney movies as possible. While he always made playful complaints and groaned when they all opened up with some sort of song, he secretly did enjoy it. There was no way he was going to tell Makoto that though. “Ooh! It looks like it’s _Beauty and the Beast_ next. That’s one of my favorites.”

There were a few moments of silence and Sousuke could feel Makoto’s eyes on his back, just staring. “What?” he asked looking over his shoulder.

“Oh! It’s nothing. I was just thinking how you’re kind of like the Beast.”

“Are you implying that I am a hairy monster?”

Makoto laughed, “No! No! I mean, he’s really gruff and mean when you first meet him and can come across as rude. Once you get to know him though he can have his kind moments and he’s super protective of those he cares about. Plus he’s kind of awkward.” Sousuke snorted at the description.

“What sorry princess would fall for him?”

“Hey! Don’t knock on Belle!”

“Hey as long as he’s better than that Prince Eric dipshit.”

“Why do you hate _The Little Mermaid_ so much?”

“Makoto. He couldn’t recognize the girl who saved him. The girl who was stupid enough to give up her entire life to be with him and he almost married the fucking giant sea octopus.”

“Sea witch.”

“She was a fucking giant octopus.”

Their dinner continued the same easy and comfortable banter and conversation they’d somehow fallen into in the past year and before long the two found themselves back on the couch watching the first few credits scenes. They were also a lot closer than they usually sat. Sousuke had an arm slung across the back of the couch and Makoto was sitting next to him, almost close enough so there hips were touching, and his head was leaning against Sousuke’s arm, almost close enough to rest on his shoulder. The background story played out with Sousuke making a few random comments as he always did during the start of the movies.

“Wait, so this kid got turned into a monster at like eleven?”

“I…I guess? I never thought about the age I guess.”

“That enchantress gave no absolutely no fucks.” Makoto shushed him lightly as the title flashed across the screen and Belle’s house came into the picture. “Is she going to sing?” Sousuke had leaned in a little closer to whisper into Makoto’s ear and he was pleased when he heard Makoto laugh and swat him playfully on the thigh.

“Shut up and watch my favorite movie.”

“Whatever you want.”


	3. calm the ocean for you

\-----

_So when you're restless,_

  
_I will calm the ocean for you_

  
_In your sorrow, I will dry your tears_

_\-----_

 

Their vacation was turning out to be a wash, for lack of a better term. The first few days had been beautiful, sunny skies, warm water, not too many crowds. That had all changed the previous night though when the threat of a storm loomed over the beach they were on. Sousuke had woken up at the morning and seen nothing but darkness illuminated by the occasional flash of lightning, the rain pelting against the glass door that lead out to the balcony. At breakfast that morning they’d heard from a few of the hotel employees that the storm would last about a day or two, that was usually the case around here.

The rest of the morning had passes rather uneventfully with Makoto only mildly jumping out of his skin every time a clap of thunder rattled their windows. Sousuke was sitting on their bed reading, or at least attempting to, as Makoto had given up working on lesson plans about five minutes ago and instead was pacing in front of the balcony door biting his nails slightly.

Setting down his book with a sigh Sousuke spoke, “Makoto, you’re making _me_ restless.”

Makoto looked back at his boyfriend with an apologetic smile, eyes extremely nervous behind his glasses. “Sorry, it’s just…”

“I know.” Sousuke spoke softly as he watched Makoto swallow and glance back outside. Of course he was nervous and probably frightened, they were right near the ocean after all. Although his fear had become less crippling over the years, a storm like this would be enough to kick anyone into high alert. Sousuke had taken a moment to check with one of the employees about the ocean during the storms when Makoto had been distracted during breakfast. Thankfully, she had said the hotel had only received minimal damage in the past before they’re taken safety measures. This way Sousuke knew he wouldn’t be lying when he continually told Makoto that they would be fine. Still, if they were going to be stuck inside for two days and if he was going to be worried and pacing around like this they would both go crazy.

He glanced over at the bedside table and noticed his discarded tie from dinner a few nights ago, an idea struck him. “Hey, come here.” Sousuke parted his stretched out legs and patted the space between them to indicate where Makoto should sit. Makoto responded with a confused look but when Sousuke patted the bed again he walked over and sat between his legs, his posture still completely tense and rigid. Without warning Sousuke reached up to place the tie over Makoto’s eyes and began to knot it in the back.

“Sousuke!” Makoto reached up to pull the tie away. “This is not the time!”

“Relax, this isn’t for anything kinky.” Makoto was still frowning and trying to pry the tie away from his face and Sousuke couldn’t help but lean in a little closer to add, “You could definitely leave it on for later though.” He laughed as he got a slap to his thigh in response. When he was confident the tie was secure and comfortable Sousuke placed his hands on Makoto’s hips and leaned him back so he was resting against his chest and then wrapped his arms around him. “What do you think your kids are up to?”

“What?” Even though he couldn’t see, Makoto still twisted his head slightly the confused frown on his face again.

“Your students. What do you think they’re doing right now?”

“Hopefully listening to and respecting the substitute.”

Sousuke scoffed, “Please. Your students are way too respectful for being only second graders.”

“Teaching them good manners is important!” He paused as he felt Sousuke’s hand run up and down his arms slowly. “What is all this anyway?” Makoto was met with silence. “Sou?”

“I’m just trying to distract you, from the storm. Figured if you couldn’t look at it and if you got to thinking about something else you might be able to calm down a little.” Now Sousuke was met with silence. He was a little worried that there was some invisible boundary line he’d crossed. Despite having been dating for a little over four years there were still new things about his boyfriend that surprised him. Like now for example when Makoto twisted around again, grabbed Sousuke’s face between his hands and kissed him on the lips. Well, more like attempted to kiss him on the lips as the whole not being able to see thing made him hit the side of his mouth rather than full on. Sousuke readjusted their position though and moved his own hands to cradle the back of Makoto’s head as they kissed slowly.

“You’re too sweet.” Makoto spoke softly after he’d pulled away, their breaths mingling together between them. “Thank you.” He twisted back around and this time Sousuke did feel his entire body relax a little more as he leaned back into him. They stayed like that for most of the afternoon, Makoto only stiffening every now and then when a particularly fierce wind rattled against the door or a deafening boom of thunder hit. After a little while of slow conversation, he wasn’t responding anymore and he was breathing seemed to be steady and even. When Sousuke reached up to pull the tie down a little he smiled when he saw Makoto’s eyes closed, sleeping. It probably wouldn’t last too long depending on how noisy the storm continued to be, but Sousuke would have honestly been fine if they spent the rest of their vacation in this exact position.

Maybe it wasn’t a wash entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wild but short update! we're also getting closer to a chapter i've already been yelled at for outlining. : )


	4. take away your fears

\-----

_When you need me, I will be the love beside you_

_I'll take away all your fears_

_So you can let go of your fears_

_\-----_

The room was dark and everything was quiet, just like you would normally expect a bedroom to be at three in the morning. The bed in the middle of the room had two sleeping human shaped lumps under the covers, taking up most of the bed, and one tinier cat shaped lump near their feet. Everything was quiet. Normal. Until it wasn’t. 

Sousuke suddenly jolted in an upright position, sending Yuki off the bed in a panic as the man held a hand to his sweaty forehead and tried to calm his rapid breathing. The last thing he wanted to do was wake up the man sleeping beside him, but it was like his (for lack of a better term) maternal sense was on high alert recently as Makoto quickly sat up beside him, turning on the beside light as he spoke softly. “Sousuke? You okay?” 

“Y-yeah.” He moved his hand away from his forehead, his fingertips covered in a fine layer of sweat which his t-shirt was also soaked in. “I’m fine. Go back to sleep.” 

“Hush.” Makoto leaned over and kissed Sousuke on his cheek before getting out of bed and walking out into the kitchen. While he listened to Makoto rustling around, opening cabinets and drawers, Sousuke couldn’t help but slam a fist into the mattress while muttering a few curses under his breath. This was the fourth night in a row, it usually didn’t happen this much in a row. This didn’t happen to him though. He didn’t wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares about his best friend being shot. 

Thankfully, Rin was alive and okay. When it came down to it, it had simply been a case of the two cops on patrol being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sousuke was laughing at something Rin said, and then he wasn’t. Some bastard who had just held up the convenience store just down the street panicked when he saw two cops and just shot, hitting Rin in the shoulder. It hadn’t done much damage and he would just need some major rehab and physical therapy before everything was all squared away, in fact Rin had been all smiles when they’d gone to visit him earlier that day. Maybe that’s why the nightmare was worse tonight. 

Ever since Rin had been shot, Sousuke had found himself not only having trouble falling asleep but waking up at all hours of the night from nightmares of his best friend lying dead on the pavement, shot through the head or chest instead of just the shoulder. He kept dreaming that that bastard shot Rin and then shoved the gun in his hands, almost like he was saying it was his fault, that he was the one who shot him. 

He might as well of been. 

He was supposed to protect his partner, that’s what they promised. They weren’t supposed to fucking get shot in broad daylight by some punk. He wasn’t supposed to fail like that. Sousuke choked back the start of a sob and buried his head in his hands, he didn’t even look up when Makoto came back. He heard his name called softy as Makoto saw his posture, but there were no more words and instead there was a dip in the mattress and a familiar gentle presence hovering around him, setting a cool rag on the table near them.   
Makoto wrapped his own hands around Sousuke’s wrists, pulling them down slowly as their eyes met. Silent tears were already running down Sousuke’s face, his breathing shallow as everything just mixed and clashed together. The empathy was clear with Makoto’s own expression that Sousuke only saw for a moment before he felt himself being pulled into Makoto’s arms. 

Sousuke only tried to lie to himself for another moment before he felt himself clutching at the back of his boyfriend’s t-shirt, the tears flowing freely as silent sobs wracked his body. He hated this, feeling weak. Feeling like he failed. How close had he been to failing? What if they had been a few seconds earlier or later? 

What if? 

What if? 

What if?

“I fucked up.” He whispered into Makoto’s shoulder, gripping the fabric of his t-shirt even tighter. “I fucked up so bad.” 

“Shhh, no you didn’t. Stop that.” 

“He could have died. He could be dead right now.” 

“He’s not. He’s not dead. He’s fine.” 

“But-“ a slight gasp escaped his lips and he felt Makoto hold him tighter. “It’s my job to protect him. It should have been me. It should have been me that got shot.” 

“No.” Makoto’s voice held a stern edge before it loosened again, his hands now moving up and down Sousuke’s back in an attempt to soothe. “Would you want to put Rin through this? He’d be a wreck and Haru wouldn’t know what to do with him.” There a small moment of silence between them before Makoto spoke again. “I wouldn’t know what to do with myself either.” They stayed just like for a while, Makoto stroking his back and Sousuke crying into shoulder, his body a little calmer now though. When he finally pulled back Makoto smiled softly and kissed him on the forehead before saying, “You should wipe your face and put a clean shirt on.”

Like a large child, Makoto did help Sousuke change and wipe the sweat off, interspersing small, chaste kisses whenever and wherever he could. When Sousuke finally returned one of his own to the back of Makoto’s wrist as he finished washing his face, Makoto smiled a little brighter. They climbed back into bed, this time Sousuke huddling up to Makoto’s chest, and Makoto reached over to turn off the light. 

Before they drifted off to sleep Sousuke let out another shaky breath and shut his eyes tightly, his whole body tensing up. Makoto kissed him again and whispered, “You can’t fail me, Sou. You can never fail me.” 

The room was dark and everything was quiet, just like you would normally expect a bedroom to be at three in the morning. The bed in the middle of the room had two sleeping human shaped lumps under the covers, taking up most of the bed and comfortably fit into each other, and one tinier cat shaped lump that appeared again near their feet. Everything was quiet. Normal. Just as it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahahaha. i made myself sad writing this.


End file.
